Background

Pornography, as is variously recorded, accounts for some 87 per cent of the information transmitted through the public internet. However, when Tim Berners-Lee invented the World Wide Web in 1999, it wasn't just to revolutionise the skin trade, but also the distribution of kittens. Indeed, a further 10 per cent of internet traffic is down to feline dissemination, leaving just 3 per cent for e-commerce, myspace and fraud (predominantly phishing). The present research set out to examine this phenomenon by establishing a scale of cuteness, which might be used to predict the distribution of animal data made available via the internet.

Methodology

A 3000-strong sample was selected, encompassing a wide demographic range of social class (ABCDE) and age (CI: 7–68 years; mean 24 +/- SD). Each participant was shown a picture of an animal, which they were asked to rate on a seven-point Likert scale ranging from 1 (take it away!) to 7 (show me another!). Pictures included, inter alia, mandrills, okapi, badgers and of course kittens. Insects/bugs were excluded for commonsense reasons.

Analysis of results

Regarding reptiles, baby geckos attained the top intracategory score of 3 (hmmm); however, the category as a whole scored a disappointing mean of 2 (ewww). This was lower than expected, and inferior to rodents, with red squirrels and prairie dogs clustering around the category mean of 4. Baby bunnies were buoyant at 6 (awww), but rats had an overwhelming downward pull on category baseline. Distribution of response was highest among mammals, with kittens consistently superior to puppies, although the latter did also receive respectable general kudos, their correlation coefficient tracking kangaroos and small-to-medium boar.

Conclusion

As hypothesised, kittens are the international acme of cute, except for within the Guangzhou province of China, where they double as hors d'oeuvres. A limitation of this research was the number of categories used; future research should also include the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and unicorns. It might also be expanded to datamine the relevant subscale of cuteness (eg cats jumping, cats in sinks, things on cats etc).