Most of the time, you love your computer. It saves you time, helps you organise your life and gives you access to Angelina Jolie’s flesh at the click of a button. Then it inexplicably goes wrong and you want to hurl it against the nearest boulder. Dan Danson outlines solutions to some of the most common problems found in the All of You mailbox.

Rug plug FUG bug mug shrug...

I recently exhumed multiple FUG files from my thick-client’s end-of-line flokarti solution, subsequently overtrousering the WinKaK folder on the C drive’s Glimp partition. I’ve since fragged, defragged and refragged, but to no avail. Can one reduce trouser bloat with Visual Basic venting, or do I need a hi-five wi-fi BB King router? I’m operating DANO’s Murder-1 suite with overclocked Slagg board and damping helmet, and frankly out of ideas.

If you’re using XP, FUG files are, by default, incompatible with Glimp. Select the T-Bone flooze from the View/Guff menu and set the .ming apps to 2.8 FRz. This should reset the FAT chip permissions and flush the AMAR log. If that doesn’t work, try turning your PC off and on again.

Dodgy extension...

Microsoft Word will not open files with a .fnar extension. What should I do?

.fnar files are always a problem.

All kinds of knobs and flashing...

Following an unscheduled AI ingest, my TX-7 supercomputer has become self-aware and is threatening to launch all 16 warheads in my secret missile silo. The console is huge, with all kinds of knobs and flashing lights, and I cannot remember how to turn it off. Please help.

Don’t worry – this is a simple case of locating the manual override switch (see below) and flicking to the required setting.